We are anxiously awaiting the final results of Friday’s spelling test, but a confident Emily is making bold predictions of perfection. She nearly avoided taking the Friday test, missing only one of 30 words on Tuesday’s early week test, but a busy week of studying and practice tests has Emily feeling like she garnered an A+ at the end of the week. Once again there is not much time to celebrate or reflect, as a new week is upon us and a brand new list of words featuring “un, dis and re” prefixes promises to bring plenty of challenges. In honor of Trevor believing that today is the Abominable Snowman’s birthday we bring you the following Oscars-inspired study story. Enjoy.
The Abominable Snowman at the Academy Awards
It seems like it was only yesterday that the Abominable Snowman was making his memorable acceptance speech, ripping-up his unused prepared words and choosing instead to refresh the crowd of dignitaries with his litany of things that he chose to dislike (canned tuna, lemon drops and Susan Sarandon movies among other things). It was somewhat amazing that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences decided to invite Abominable back following his outburst, but it was simply impossible to replace such a legendary figure, and with Big Foot being unavailable and the Loch Monster refusing to make an unpaid appearance, there was really nothing they could do.
So to the Oscars he went, hoping to have a chance to redo and possibly make amends for his previous issues (People Magazine said in its article that Abominable had a social disorder, but the famous Snowman still insists that his tirade was completely unplanned).
There was a general distrust amongst the stars and celebrities that had gathered, and when the show’s director reviewed the tape of the Abominable Snowman’s meltdown he had to slowly rewind the footage to notice that Hugh Grant had been heckling Abominable and perhaps that had been the reason for the craziness that ensued. When questioned, Grant insisted that this was all untrue, that he was merely choking on a Corn Nut and not heckling at all. In fact it was during this questioning that Grant himself decided to unload a bit on the industry and had his own little rant, choosing to recall that he had been passed over for the lead roles in both “Les Miserables” and “Argo” and then indicated that he didn’t want to saying anything that may displease his fellow actors, but indicated that Ben Affleck gave a very uneven performance in his own film, and that it appeared that Hugh Jackman was attempting to rebuild his own career “with all that singing and stuff.”
It would seem that Hugh Grant was trying to make the Abominable Snowman look sane.
The Academy was willing to let Abominable restart his own career as a performance artist and perhaps allow him to uncover all of the skeletons in his closet if he promised to behave at the Oscars.
He tried, but you just have to know that being the Abominable Snowman is a very untidy existence, so when he accidentally spilled his celebratory glass of Hawaiian Punch on Catherine Zeta-Jones’ stunning gold ensemble (serving to discolor the gown in a most disgusting manner) he was quickly shown the exit. Attempting to reuse his ticket stub to fool the usher and gain reentry, Abominable shouted to the world that this treatment was unfair, that the Academy was trying to rewrite history with his banishment from the awards show.
It was unclear what Abominable meant by that statement, but clearly he was not quite finished scheming.
First he attempted to untie the shoes of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and then he tried to rearrange the seating assignments for all of the stars. He tried to make it appear that Sally Field would be seated next to Burt Reynolds, Chris Tucker next to Jackie Earle Haley and Jackie Chan next to Tanya Tucker. He then did his very best to disband the Brat Pack, but Rob Lowe insisted that there never was such a thing so people just shrugged.
The Abominable Snowman had clearly worn-out his welcome at these Academy Awards. He would not win an Oscar and he would not make a speech. He would need to discontinue his unusual behavior, officials told him, or he would be asked to leave.
Storming out of the auditorium and muttering to himself, Abominable was not permitted a refund for his ticket and was last seen attempting to sell it to Billy Crystal, who was also not allowed in the building.